First Order of Business for America's 51st State: Tear Down the Wolfe Island Windmills
-Kingston Ont. By Hans Wilder
When Canada becomes America’s 51st state, there will be plenty of paperwork to sort out. New flags to print. Border signs to remove. Hockey teams to explain. Metric road signs to convert before somebody accidentally drives 100 miles per hour instead of 100 kilometers per hour.
But before any of that happens, there is one project that should move straight to the top of the national priority list:
The Wolfe Island wind turbines have got to go.
For starters, let’s talk about geography. Wolfe Island sits at one of the most important natural funnels in eastern North America. Lake Ontario narrows into the St. Lawrence River. Shorelines converge. Waterways meet. Birds migrating between the Great Lakes and the Atlantic Flyway naturally concentrate in this region.
Even people who know nothing about bird migration understand that birds tend to follow rivers, coastlines, and other natural landmarks. If Mother Nature herself was going to design a giant avian superhighway, she would probably start with the mouth of Lake Ontario and the St. Lawrence River.
Then somebody looked at this migration corridor and said, “You know what this place needs? Hundreds of giant spinning blades.”
Perhaps there was a better location.
Of course, bird migration concerns are only part of the issue. There is also the matter of aesthetics.
For decades, people crossed the Thousand Islands region to admire one of the most beautiful freshwater landscapes on Earth. Islands, shipping traffic, sunsets, sailboats, historic forts, and open horizons.
Now the skyline includes a forest of industrial turbines that look like something from a science-fiction movie where the robots have already won.
And then there is the matter of my future 12th-floor condo in Kingston.
I’ve already selected it.
Beautiful view. St. Lawrence River. Wolfe Island. The United States in the distance.
The only problem is that every time I look out the window, I don’t want to feel like I’m living inside a giant electric fan.
When Canada joins the Union, I am willing to make sacrifices. I’ll learn the words to “O Canada.” I’ll accept that poutine will somehow become a federally protected food group. I’ll even tolerate the Toronto Maple Leafs continuing their annual tradition of disappointing their fans.
But those windmills?
They’re on the list.
The birds deserve better.
The scenery deserves better.
And quite frankly, my condo deserves better.
Welcome to America, Canada. Now let’s talk about Wolfe Island.
Editor’s Note: This is a humorous opinion column and should be read with the appropriate amount of sarcasm and a healthy appreciation for waterfront views.
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