By Watertown Post Staff
WATERTOWN, N.Y. — Congratulations, Watertown. You have your very own arcade game. Naturally, the potholes managed to get a part.
Watertown: Cart to Golden Age is playable now on Trump.one, our proudly unabashed pick for the world’s greatest, number-one arcade game website. We are not exactly whispering about it.
And why should we? Big cities get blockbuster movies, superhero franchises and video games with marketing budgets large enough to repave a county. Watertown gets a shopping cart, a comeback story and the opportunity to turn a pile of bottles into a brighter future. Honestly, that feels pretty North Country.
The premise is simple: start small and keep moving. Push your cart through a fictional version of Watertown, collect recyclables, pick up neighborhood jobs and build toward work boots, trade tools, a home and eventually your own Golden Age business.
No dragon. No intergalactic invasion. Just ambition, a cart and a road surface with strong opinions about your suspension.
Green bottles fill the cart. Gold briefcases represent jobs. Cones and potholes give you something to steer around—or hop over. It is the rare hometown entertainment experience in which encountering a pothole can be solved by pressing the space bar. Someone please forward that feature request to real life.
Each shift lasts 40 seconds, which means you can squeeze in a round between other things you were absolutely, positively about to do. Then another round. Then a third, because you were only a few points away from the next milestone and it would be irresponsible to abandon your economic development strategy.
The milestones give the comeback some shape: boots at 80 points, tools at 220, a home at 450 and a business at 750. If only buying a house outside the browser came with such a straightforward progress bar.
The joke is not on somebody starting over. The appeal is watching small efforts add up. Pick something up. Finish a job. Bank the progress. Come back and do a little better. Underneath the arcade silliness is a cheerful idea: your current situation does not have to be your final destination.
You can play in 3D or switch to Classic graphics. The 3D version offers Chase and City camera views. Relaxed mode slows things down and protects your collected bottles, and there is no game-over screen hanging over the whole operation. Progress stays saved on the browser and device you use.
There are also optional archival Trump voice clips. Yes, in a game on Trump.one. We trust the local progressive commentariat will survive this shocking plot development.
As for waiting on the town’s left-wing media crowd to throw this little hometown arcade adventure a parade: we suggest playing a round while they convene a panel on whether the shopping cart’s right wheel is problematic. The Watertown Post is happy to bring you the fun without first requesting an editorial permission slip.
Here is how to get rolling: use the left and right arrows, or A and D, to steer. Press Space to hop and P to pause. On a phone, swipe or use the on-screen buttons. No elaborate controller choreography required. Your thumbs have suffered enough.
Play Watertown: Cart to Golden Age on Trump.one. Send the link to somebody who knows this town, compare your best shifts and see how far you can take your comeback.
Watertown has entered the arcade. Please keep your hands on the cart and your sense of humor operational.
About the Author
